To perform, or not? That is the question

Hello again.  I had a great time last night!  I’ve joined a storyteller’s club in Sale, and there was a get-together last night.  I have to tell you all that I love to perform.

I was told, last night, that I am a natural performance artist.  It meant so much to me.  I performed a story which I had written especially for that night.  It is a horror story called, ‘Fresh Young Meat’.  It’s on my portfolio on  I have several  pieces of writing listed there, which you can read if you wish.

Mastin at

My sister Joan, who I am not in contact with anymore, has always been dismissive of my talents.  She was not the only one who dismissed me either.  I used to go to church, because I am a Christian, and I would always tend to volunteer as a worship leader, since I speak well in public and really felt called, by God, to do that kind of thing, or I would wish to sing, either in the choir, or maybe, I would ask to do a solo.

I always felt, in the churches we attended, that I was tolerated at best, or frozen-out, at worst.  There were always people in whatever church Alan and I joined, who were the ones who did everything and woe-betide anyone who wished to upset the apple-cart.  I might get a chance, in order to keep me sweet, but there was a problem, I was good at what I did.  I honestly think they saw me as a threat to their positions of power, even though I really wasn’t.

I don’t say that they were threatened by me, in order to be vain about myself, or in order to say that I’m better than the next person.  I have always been a team player and I know when to step back, but my talents have always lain in things which put me on show.  I’ve never been that good at stuff which is behind the scenes.  It’s just how I am.  It is ME.  I love to use my talents which, I believe, God has given me to use.

If I perform a song, or speak in public, I always give the glory to the God who gave me the gifts to do that, but for all of my life I have been made to feel that I’m showing off, when other people, who do the same thing as me, are not made to feel that way.

There was a lay-preacher in one of the churches I attended, who would insist on bringing his violin with him, every time  he conducted a service.  He played with a big orchestra  and I’m not sure if he still does, or if he is retired.  That is not important.  What is important is that everyone was (and probably still is) really supportive and no one has ever said.  “Why is he bringing his fiddle with him again?”  They just always accepted that this is what he does.

There was another lay preacher.  A woman who had a lovely singing voice.  When she used to come to preach, she always sang, and people used to natter behind her back.  “Why does she always have to sing?  Why is she showing off every time she comes?”  This double standard really got on my nerves, and I just knew that many of them would have said the same thing about me, so I tended not to push myself.   But sometimes the urge to get up and use my talents was so strong.  If you are a singer, actor or performance artist yourself, you will understand how I felt and the dilemma I was in.

In the end, Alan and I stopped going to church.  We are still Christians and do our own Bible Studies at home.  We also celebrate our Sabbath on a Saturday, which is the day that the Sabbath was always held on, until Emperor Constantine mixed Christianity with the worship of the sun, and changed the day to Sunday (the sun’s day)

We don’t call Easter Sunday, “Easter Sunday”, either.  We call it Resurrection Day.  When you think about it, Easter, as it is celebrated in our Christian churches, is not accurate.  The Bible never states what day it was, when Our Lord was crucified, but it does state that Jesus was in the tomb for three days, before he was resurrected.  Alan researched the real story, so I am confident of what I write.  Jesus was crucified on the Wednesday, not the Friday.  there was an extra holy-day that week, on the Thursday, and that was why they had to hurry up and get Jesus’s body out of the way.  He came back to life sometime after the normal Saturday Sabbath.  Somewhere between sunset on Saturday, and sunrise on Sunday.  Mary Magdalene went to the tomb to prepare the body, on the Sunday Morning, and met the risen Christ, as everyone knows.  Therefore, from Wednesday evening, to Sunday morning, we have the right time frame, which agrees with what is actually written in The Bible.

I don’t mention all of this to rain on anyone’s deeply held beliefs, but I don’t see any harm in mentioning what we discovered, when Alan looked into the background of aspects of Christianity.  It’s worse to hide things, better to talk about them and bring things into the open.

Anyway, this blog-post is a bit different, I know.  But I think it is good to share different things about myself.  I am not just someone who is face-blind, I am a whole person, with wishes, dreams, beliefs and hopes.

That’s all for now.  I will post again soon.

Love from Mari



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